It's not everyday that you get to sit down and watch multiple episodes of "Parenthood". No, I'm not a spokesman for the show or getting paid, I'm just your typical addict. I started watching this show during my breastfeeding moments (for those who don't fully understand this it's that time that you get to feed and comfort your baby, staring down into it's little face thinking "you are the most beautiful creature in the world and I want to remember this moment forever) unfortunately you can only examine it's tiny, exquisite features so long before you realize it has cradle cap and ear wax and some other uncertain food-like substance on it's face and to keep yourself from picking and cleaning and preening (ultimately waking your sleeping babe) you turn on your tv and try to watch something for a moment. I originally attempted to read during this quiet time but both of my babies think that their wildly failing arm should grab onto whatever I am doing and sabotage that chapter of Outlander I've been trying to read for a month or that app helping me learn German. Anyway, TV is an easy out.
So, back to Parenthood. I really love it. The show is amazing with these characters who say and do things I would personally say and do. I adore shows like that. Too often I'm telling my husband "this is ridiculous, who says things like that? This is stupid, that would never happen!" Parenthood instead throws people into very typical events and they have typical reactions, in my mind.
Unfortunately, it almost seems too real. I find myself getting emotionally involved, feeling frustrated when the mom is yelling at her daughter, completely at a loss as what to do. I wouldn't do that...would I? I'm a normal, non-crazy communicative individual, but I realize watching this show how much I have changed since being a teenager. Evolved I should really say. More and more (especially now that I turned 30) I see myself taking the side of the adult in situations, where I used to see it from the teenager's perspective, and it's soooo much scarier. It used to be all about me, my hurt, my pain, my problems but now everything that happens affects my husband and my children and my parents. I'm not just a single entity anymore, and it's honestly terrifying.
I know most blogs should end with a neatly organized review of some deeper message, and if I was going to have one it's this: give your parents a break. Being a kid was a lot easier than taking care of kids.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Who Doesn't Love A Little Blogging Now and Then?
Yes, it's been a while.
No, I can't promise I can do this consistently, (although I will try) and
Yes...my life is extraordinary, in an ordinary kind of way.
Honestly, the guilt runneth over for not blogging more often, like at all in the last three years, but what can I say? I've been busy. Found a husband. Had a baby (or two), and the silence has been totally worth it.
Let me explain, no, let me sum up.
I love my life. It is much better than being strong and amazing and realistic and alone. Now it is fun and playful and loving and barriers down with someone who understands me more than anyone I've ever come across before. Being in my marriage is like not having any brain barriers up, 95% of the time we understand where the other one is coming from, the other 5% just keeps things interesting.
Aside from that, I'm terrified. I've lost a great deal of things the last few years. Belief, support, friends, connection and personal time. Having a husband and kids and no time changes things a lot, friends who are single have lost connection because they can't relate to my daily adventures, and I've moved on from their dramas. Get married already, have some kids, then we can talk again. Oh wait, we can't because then your kids will be the ones screaming in the background. Better yet, raise those whelps and we can reconnect in 10 years when our kids have better things to do than follow us around everywhere. Of course I miss my college homies, but honestly, I don't think they miss me, and most likey the frantic "hey, how's it going?...STOP DOING THAT!!!...oh, really, that's great....NO NOT IN THERE!!!...Oh, yeah I miss you too....MOMMY SAID NO!!!...yeah, really? Is he cute?...NOT THE SIPPY CUP!!!...Oh wow, you should totally ask him out...NO, NOT ON THE BABY!!!...no, really, you don't have to go, I'm sure they'll fall asleep in a minute...I SAID NO!!!!...okay, love you too, bye" conversations aren't their favorites.
I'm scared because so many of the people I've depended upon the last ten years aren't a part of my daily life. Their assured support, continued advice, and valued humor isn't something that flavors my experience anymore, and it doesn't define who I am now. It makes me sad. I feel like I've lost some very important part of my personality, something that made me the fun,edgy, amazing person I used to be and now my most defining factor is "mom". No, I don't think my life is ruined or I regret having my adorable babies, but I do miss looking in the mirror and seeing myself. Now I'm a new person with new responsibilities and new adventures and challenges that take up the time I used to spend contemplating how I would cope with myself I had a big family. Funny how the world works that way.
:-D
No, I can't promise I can do this consistently, (although I will try) and
Yes...my life is extraordinary, in an ordinary kind of way.
Honestly, the guilt runneth over for not blogging more often, like at all in the last three years, but what can I say? I've been busy. Found a husband. Had a baby (or two), and the silence has been totally worth it.
Let me explain, no, let me sum up.
I love my life. It is much better than being strong and amazing and realistic and alone. Now it is fun and playful and loving and barriers down with someone who understands me more than anyone I've ever come across before. Being in my marriage is like not having any brain barriers up, 95% of the time we understand where the other one is coming from, the other 5% just keeps things interesting.
Aside from that, I'm terrified. I've lost a great deal of things the last few years. Belief, support, friends, connection and personal time. Having a husband and kids and no time changes things a lot, friends who are single have lost connection because they can't relate to my daily adventures, and I've moved on from their dramas. Get married already, have some kids, then we can talk again. Oh wait, we can't because then your kids will be the ones screaming in the background. Better yet, raise those whelps and we can reconnect in 10 years when our kids have better things to do than follow us around everywhere. Of course I miss my college homies, but honestly, I don't think they miss me, and most likey the frantic "hey, how's it going?...STOP DOING THAT!!!...oh, really, that's great....NO NOT IN THERE!!!...Oh, yeah I miss you too....MOMMY SAID NO!!!...yeah, really? Is he cute?...NOT THE SIPPY CUP!!!...Oh wow, you should totally ask him out...NO, NOT ON THE BABY!!!...no, really, you don't have to go, I'm sure they'll fall asleep in a minute...I SAID NO!!!!...okay, love you too, bye" conversations aren't their favorites.
I'm scared because so many of the people I've depended upon the last ten years aren't a part of my daily life. Their assured support, continued advice, and valued humor isn't something that flavors my experience anymore, and it doesn't define who I am now. It makes me sad. I feel like I've lost some very important part of my personality, something that made me the fun,edgy, amazing person I used to be and now my most defining factor is "mom". No, I don't think my life is ruined or I regret having my adorable babies, but I do miss looking in the mirror and seeing myself. Now I'm a new person with new responsibilities and new adventures and challenges that take up the time I used to spend contemplating how I would cope with myself I had a big family. Funny how the world works that way.
:-D
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