So I know that everyone talks about what a sacrifice it is being a single mom and how hard it is, and I'm not going to argue with that, but I'm going to add my thoughts as to why it's also totally awesome. I could add a top ten list of why it sucks, but I'm going to go with the things that make me really grateful that I'm a single mom: #10. There is one less adult in the house who I have to argue with over what to watch on TV.
#9. I don't have to make sure to hide my chocolate from someone who is taller than me.
#8. I have a lot more dresser space.
#7. I don't have to argue with someone over how to teach my daughter, I get to learn that for myself.
#6. When I want to go somewhere girly, I don't have to feel guilty doing it or ask anyone's permission.
#5. I don't have to share my car with anyone.
#4. I always have a little girl who loves to snuggle with me.
#3. No one is there to remind me that I look fat in those pants.
#2. When decorating I can do what I want without anyone telling me something is crooked and not liking my color scheme
#1. I don't always have to be the "bad guy", without dad, I'm the "good guy" too! :P
I used to think I would never last being single. I remember laying in my bed crying silently to myself thinking how horrible it was to be alone night after night. While I was in High School I always believed that I would be really happy once I got married, and most of all I wouldn't have to sleep alone because I was so terrified of the dark. I used to imagine someone holding me throughout the night, someone who would always be there for me. When I got married I found out my husband had insomnia. He slept in bed with me a couple nights a week the first month or so, but after that I learned he just didn't sleep, and if he fell asleep it was on the couch in the living room. I took it personally at first, and I didn't know what I had done to scare him away.
Most of all it hurt that I was alone again at night. I remember wondering what I had done to deserve being alone like that. I wondered if he would get past his insomnia or if I could find away to just have him hold me. I didn't realize he had issues of his own and that insomnia wasn't something he even wanted fixed. He went to bed less and less with me and I was left in the dark night after night. After we divorced and I got remarried I hoped that I would find another husband who would spend the night occasionally with me, but again that didn't work out. I was more terrified of the dark than ever before. My terror of being alone in the dark was something I found I had to face off with because it was so frightening to me. I couldn't sleep, and I would just stare into the smokey blackness, huddled in my blankets and aching inside. I hated being in the dark. All the scary movies I had ever seen came back to me vividly because I was always alone.
Finally, I realized that I had a daughter and she was scared of the dark just like me. Knowing that she was there brought me a lot of peace, and I realized that she needed me just as much as I needed her. I would let her crawl into bed with me and cuddle up, and I wasn't afraid anymore. I realized I had to be strong for her, I had to become the protector because now I had someone to protect. Now I don't have to sleep alone in the dark anymore, I always have a little one who lets me hug her all night and who doesn't have to leave because she has insomnia or has somewhere else to go. It's great being a single mom. We've learned to depend on each other because no one else is ever there.
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